Life in fear and happiness
Walking around the house smiling
Playing with my brother
Until he wanted to do his own thing
Looking for validation
Attention and care
That would come from mother
Dad was sometimes there
Saying mother feels cold
And dad feels warm
There’s a distance there.

I was happy
Running playing and being berated
See dad liked the booze and it loved him back
More than mum could
More than the four of us could together
Yet I adored him.
I was so close yet just out of reach from his soul