Officially called urination (A name rather grand for its station). Kids wee or wee-wee But that’s rather twee, So which is the best appellation? “Spend a Penny” can no longer be; For- apart from the loos being free- In a metrical state We need to translate, But can hardly say “Go spend a Pee”! “Pass water” is pleasing to hear, But let the distinction be clear: If at dinner you ask For a jug or a flask, Let a “the” in “Pass water” appear. If it comes with a gush or a hiss What better description than piss? If it comes in a dribble We ought to say Piddle, But in company pee’s not amiss. Manoeuvring a willy whence it lies Under layers of close-fitting ties, May lead to deflection, Misdirected ejection, When it finally pokes through the flies. What also may disorient us Is a partly obstructed meatus Convolution preputial Is an obstacle crucial To perfectly aimed apparatus Women also complain when it’s we Leave up the seat after a pee. Would a logical mind Less impolite find Seats left down by a she for a he? by Geoff Patrick