Mama kneels in her shawl and prays for my salvation Mary looks down and smiles at her prayers But, mama doesn’t see her sin she doesn’t know where i am The cold wind bites no matter the layers But i know where she is its time for five o’clock mass The candles in the church flicker the heat turned up warm Wafers and wine on the altar more than i have eaten in days All i have to do is renounce my way of love And i will be the prodigal son welcomed home Instead of living in this rat hole Where there is no water and the toilet is down the hall Shivering in my boy shorts Mary around my neck but she doesn’t see me Pray for me Because i don’t know how much longer i can hold on Because the meds ran out and so did the health insurance Because i’m too sick to work Preexisting medical condition Mama tells her friends i’m away at school People think she is amazing to have raised such a son Why wasn’t she amazing when grandpa was in my room Why did she throw me out when i turned him in Ugly stench of breath as he whispered his love His cold hands froze my baby brother my cousin me My soul is frozen still i have always hated winter Freezing in this motel turning tricks to survive Frozen death of my life Perpetual numbness of long term pain I look at the dusty cockroach in a spider web in the corner Will i soon be curled up on my back Frozen in rigor mortis like him While the world goes on warm in its wealth ***