because sometimes I don’t fit in the box that is
this conversation, I use pronouns to describe
the person I’ll marry that aren’t
specific, and I don’t think people notice. Maybe
they do but don’t say anything, but maybe that’s
the problem—not saying anything.
I want to shout, ‘I am gay! I am gay!’ I am finally
free. And I hope
that I’ll be at a place in my life by 18 where
I can wear what I want to prom. Maybe
that’s like when I hoped to do my own braids
when I was in second grade,
but now I don’t have braids cause I cut them
off when I
came out.
On the night before my semi-formal, too.
I just couldn’t stand not being me and I was
sweating and I just
said it.
So when I tell you that I’m gay, don’t say
you knew all along because I’m trying not to be.
Not to say it. It’s hard.
(and wrong, too)
So when I talk about gay marriage a little too
long or use strange pronouns or wear two
too many flannels, just try not to notice because
I’m trying not to be me but sometimes it just slips
out.