Everyday was a never ending cycle. I hated the way I acted, looked, and dressed. I wanted to be like the other girls. Ultimately, I was just unhappy.

I felt like I was rotting away even though I was still living. I was never pleased with myself. I always wanted to be more than what I was. Ultimately, I was just a teenage girl.

I felt so drained that every day would feel the same. It was a never ending cycle of self deprecation. I replayed all my moments of imperfection over and over in my head, until I broke down. I didn’t feel real. But ultimately, life went on.

I lost weight because I thought it would make me happier, but it only made me compare myself with others. I lost motivation to do anything and felt like I was trapped. I was incredibly lonely and exhausted. I was nobody’s favorite person, even though I wanted to be. I was the only one there for me. My parents had no idea for the longest time. They were devastated when they found out I was hurting myself. My journey to self healing was complicated. But ultimately, I came out a better person.

I still have my moments of weakness. Memories still lurk in my mind. The thought of the person I was a couple years ago still brings me comfort because it was normal for me. And I am proud of the things I have already accomplished. But ultimately I’m still young, inexperienced, and have a lot of learning still to come.