Once there was a hall of fame One of which I once came I was next up To press my luck In the moment I was in the spotlight With open eyes I started this life And for years and years I [hopelessly] tried my best In order to pass this never-ending test I’m a long ways from there With longer ways to go, if I can bare I used to know what I was doing; who I was But now like a dog I’ll sit and stay. I was innocent and obedient I was naive and ignorant I can’t get back to that place though I still have so much more to learn And now it’s somebody else’s turn To be in the same spotlight that I once earned And they’ll do much better than me They’ll stay kind, and pure, and sweet I can still remember to back then when I could freely speak Now these words have meaning And i can only freely think But I can no longer control the thoughts behind The rhythm, The rhyme, The use of commas ‘Cause I don’t when to pause When to take a break, i don't know what's at stake! I did my own thing, I was humbly bold I spoke using my words, Now I have to battle with what I’m told I will try to use analogies Because it’s hard to depict the real way I feel But my thoughts no longer obey the rules of rhythm or rhyme You can tell I’m exhausted when I sing songs of “I’m okay” ‘Cause the haze is growing and I only think I believe “I’m not okay” My body is quaking My hands are shaking When did they get so cold? They’re starting to freeze in place I never used to be this way. I want to crack a joke, but it wouldn’t fit. Inside my head At least I can pretend We’re all in gales of laughter Stop laughing! Now’s not the time Don’t look so gloom, smile I'm no longer in the spotlight but people will still come up to me and scream With their commanding contradictions that have unsaid answers. Why aren’t you crying, this is emotional I’ve been taught by example that this is strong Have you no empathy? No, I just can’t cope This is moving, but don’t start crying, you’ll ruin your makeup But it’s not makeup, it’s a mask “You know I’m here and you can talk to me no matter what” Though as soon as I’m not energetic, you assume I’m being melodramatic I will react with sarcasm and jokes, and you’ll play along But as soon as you can tell there’s something wrong, you’ll brush it off And it makes me miserable to know my misery is offensive When I would much rather sit in a dimly lit corner with my hoodie strings tightened To the point where they can be tightened no more Another will scream “Be creative and unafraid to be yourself” The same person will torment me with strict directions when I take their advice They'll say: Don’t feel, But put in effort. Open your ears. Don’t hear. Sit down. Stand up. Quiet down. Speak up. Do your best. Keep up. Don’t be scared to go out of line, Follow instructions exactly. Confused yet? Yeah, So am I.