I trudge a mile ahead of my desires As they lag painstakingly behind my back The old 'me' is dead and long gone Yet I die every other day from dissociation and lack The will to relive my past lives and respires Won't bygones just be bygones? Just when I heave a sigh of relief from my guilt And amass enough hope to recover from the filth Right when the finish line steps into my track My feet would slip and 'fall' into the pits Bruising all of my faith and my luck When on earth comes my joker in the pack? Sometimes, I get on the highway to freedom And turn off my history's ignition Only for the night's sleep to sway me right into yesterdays doldrums Sometimes, I catch a fleeting glimpse at my redemption Only for a chicane of my past to quietly loom And throw me into a swarm of ugly temptations Just when strong passion gives in to my conscience And chance gives me a chance to end this gruesome race My blunders will spread out their ambience And let the memories lock me up in their embrace Inside my mind, the memories continue to lurk I have done a ton of medication, hoping they'll fade A morning away, theyll quietly be I have tried till tired, yet it wouldn't work My worst nightmares, covered in jade