Be cautious how you recommend
My verses to your father, friend;
The merry quip, the sportive whim,
Might hurt a sober soul like him;
But if he likes my wanton work
'Twould pass an elder of the Kirk.

In Fabius' will sole legatee,
Why is not Labienus glad?
In courting the testator, he
Had spent far more than Fabius had.

You are weary and wan, yet the lawsuit drags on,
Now its twentieth year is complete.
So you must be a dunce; it had ended at once
Had you only admitted defeat.

O SACRED ruler of Tarpeia's hall,
Whom, while our chief is safe, we Thunderer call;
Let other men to thee petition make
And ask that they thy gifts divine may take;
But be not wroth with me if naught I crave,
Nor bounty for myself desire to have.
For Caesar all my prayers are made to heaven:
From Caesar all I need is freely given.

When Caecilian dines, a boar's always on view.
It's the one guest he has — and a proper one too.

He was great with the gloves, but the lady he loves
Said boxing must now be deserted;
A Knight she has made him, and so has displayed him
As Pollux to Castor converted.

To heaven thou must in thought at least have come
Who didst design our Emperor's palace home.
Were Phidian Jove due lodging to receive,
Pisa would beg our God thy aid to give.

Though you send me no presents I'd not care a bit
If it were not that Tom, Dick, and Harry, and Kit
Get plenty. The next time you play dirty tricks,
I'll ask you on some Jewish gentry to fix.

Each morn you tell some evil dream you've had
About me, till you drive me nearly mad;
To charms I have resorted to divine
The omen; that has used up all my wine,
My salted meal, whole mounds of frankincense,
And half my flocks and herds — a vain expense.
Pigs, fowls, and eggs are gone; for mercy's sake
Do dream about yourself — or stay awake.

Fountain wherein Ianthis doth delight,
Glory of garden and of mansion bright,
Where youths in marble beauty deck the mead,
And each cool wave reflects a Ganymede,
What does Alcides in yon woodland shrine?
Why holds the god a grot so near to thine?
Does he keep guard against the Naiads, pray,
Lest every Hylas should be stolen away?