Classic Poem

There was a man in Arkansaw
As let his passions rise,
And not unfrequently pick'd out
Some other varmint's eyes.

His name was Tuscaloosa Sam,
And often he would say,
" There's not a cuss in Arkansaw
I can't whip any day. "

One morn, a stranger passin' by,
Heard Sammy talkin' so,
When down he scrambled from his hoss,
And off his coat did go.

He sorter kinder shut one eye,
And spit into his hand,
And put his ugly head one side,
And twitch'd his trousers' band.

" My boy, " says he, " it's my belief,
Whomever you may be,
That I kin make you screech, and smell
Pertikler agony. "

" I'm thar, " says Tuscaloosa Sam,
And chuck'd his hat away;
" I'm thar, " says he, and button'd up
As far as buttons may.

They clinch'd like two rampageous bears,
And then went down a bit;
They swore a stream of six-inch oaths
And fit, and fit, and fit.

When Sam would try to work away,
And on his pegs to git,
The stranger'd pull him back; and so,
They fit, and fit, and fit!

Then like a pair of lobsters, both
Upon the ground were knit,
And yet the varmints used their teeth,
And fit, and fit, and fit! !

The sun of noon was high above,
And hot enough to split,
But only riled the fellers more,
That fit, and fit, and fit! ! !

The stranger snapp'd at Sammy's nose,
And shorten'd it a-bit;
And then they both swore awful hard,
And fit, and fit, and fit! ! ! !

The mud it flew, the sky grew dark,
And all the litenins lit;
But still them critters roll'd about
And fit, and fit, and fit! ! ! ! !

First Sam on top, then t'other chap;
When one would make a hit,
The other'd smell the grass; and so,
They fit, and fit, and fit! ! ! ! ! !

The night came on, the stars shone out
As bright as wimmen's wit;
And still them fellers swore and gouged,
And fit, and fit, and fit ! ! ! ! ! ! !

The neighbors heard the noise they made,
And thought an earthquake lit;
Yet all the while 't was him and Sam
As fit, and fit, and fit! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

For miles around the noise was heard;
Folks could n't sleep a bit,
Because them two rantank'rous chaps
Still fit, and fit, and fit! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

But jist at cock-crow, suddently,
There came an awful pause,
And I and my old man run out
To ascertain the cause.

The sun was rising in the yeast,
And lit the hull concern;
But not a sign of either chap
Was found at any turn.

Yet, in the region where they fit,
We found, to our surprise,
One pint of buttons, two big knives,
Some whiskers, and four eyes!