M ARMADUKE C LAUDE M ONTMORENCY M C G URK
Earned his thirty a week as a pharmacist's clerk,
And though seldom he had any cash in his jeans
He supported his wife as befitted his means.
Now along came her birthday, as sometimes it did,
And he said: " I must buy something swell for the kid. "
So he took thirty dollars, his pay, I suppose,
And he blew it all in on a pair of silk hose.

Mrs. Marmaduke Claude almost wept with delight
When her husband brought home those silk stockings that night;
And she tried them on quickly and looked in the glass,
And exclaimed: " Gee, them stockings has certainly class. "
Next morning at breakfast she said: " Goodness knows
But I ain't got a stitch I can wear with them hose, "
So as soon as her husband departed for work
She was on her way shopping, was Mrs. McGurk.
From ten in the morning till half after four
She shopped and she shopped, and she shopped then some more,
Until, fagged out and tired, she returned to her flat
With a new pair of shoes, a new suit, and a hat.
When Marmaduke Claude Montmorency returned
From his labors that night he was greatly concerned,
For his wife said: " I'm thinking, this neighborhood's vile,
And this house ain't no place for a lady of style. "
Poor Marmaduke Claude said: " It looks like you're right. "
So they went out and hunted apartments that night,
And, soon after, they moved from their humble abode
To a beautiful house (Number Eight Clapham Road).

Then said Mrs. McGurk to her husband: " My dear,
My swell rags will be put on the blink soon I fear,
For the subway is dirty, the street cars ain't clean,
And I can't get along here without a machine. "
So in two or three days — or perhaps it was four —
A twin-six limousine stood in front of their door.
It was painted bright red, and the wheel-spokes were wires,
It had real silver trimmings, and four extra tires.


Where the limousine stood, bill collectors now lurk,
For disaster has come to the House of McGurk:
And there's gloom in the hearts where contentment once glowed,
For a House to Let sign hangs at Eight Clapham Road.
As he sits in his cell and he thinks of his plight
Poor McGurk says: " I got what was comin', all right,
For a spendthrift, they say, will get his in the end,
And them stockings cost more than I ought to of spend. "