Back in the Paleozoic Age,
Back in the dawn of time,
When beasts with unpronounceable names
Played rollicking frolicking primitive games
In the antediluvian slime,
Before his cave sat a primitive man
Who was known to his neighbors as Fred.
As he whittled away on a fragment of bone
He mumbled and grumbled in dolorous tone,
And these were the words that he said:

" Well, things ain't like they useter be,
Them good old days is past.
The young folks now act much too free,
Them flappers is too fast.
A flint ain't worth a flint no more,
It makes me feel quite sad
To think them good old days is o'er
Like when I was a lad. "

Then, in the golden age of Rome
When Augustus ruled as Lord,
And the Roman imperial eagles held thrall
With their legions the regions from Egypt to Gaul
By the might of the buckler and sword,
Before his house sat a Roman knight,
He was known to his neighbors as Ned,
And he growled as he gazed upon orchard and vine,
And he quaffed a big draft of Falernian wine,
And in excellent Latin he said:

" Well, res ain't like they fuerunt .
Them bonae days has went.
Too fresh these young puellae sunt
For this here Roman Gent.
Sesterces now are under par,
It makes me feel quite sad,
I weep to think how worse things are
Than when I was a lad. "

And now in the good old United States,
In this present year A.D. ,
Where the flivver, the phone and the talking machine,
The jolly old trolley and cinema screen
Bring pleasure to you and to me,
Upon his porch an American sits
Who is known to his neighbors as Seth,
And his paper he reads as he sits at his ease
And he swears as he glares at the news that he sees,
And he angrily growls 'neath his breath:

" Well, things ain't like they useter be.
This land has gone to pot.
A good sound thrashin', seems to me,
Would help these kids a lot.
A dollar's worth a quarter now,
And things look pretty bad.
Yes, times have grown much worse, somehow,
Since when I was a lad. "