I.

Away with those poor married fellows
Whose dearies are reckoned divine
A husband can never be jealous
Whose wife is as frightful as mine.
Since deformity's stamp is upon her,
I cry, when abroad I would stump,
" Adieu! if I can't trust your honour,
My love, I rely on your hump. "

II.

Married beauties may yield to a stranger;
My rib need not dread such disgrace;
Her virtue is never in danger
The moment you look at her face.
But her face has not many beholders;
For at those who are false to their bed
So high she has shrugged up her shoulders,
They almost have covered her head.

III.

I am safe from each common occasion
That troubles a married man's life;
And even in case of invasion,
I've nothing to fear for my wife.
Nay, if death in the churchyard had laid her,
I shouldn't much weep at my fate:
But nature so crooked has made her,
I'm sure I shan't bury her straight.