I.

Oh! when my farm is taken,
How delightful 'twill be o'er my acres to stump!
Then I'll marry a dairymaid jolly and plump,
But she shan't be as fat as my bacon.
I'll hire a lout to wield the flail,
Small beer shall serve the bumpkin;
Whilst I, with guzzling home brewed-ale,
Grow rounder than a pumpkin.
I'll have hogs, dogs, cows, sows,
Turkeys, ducks, and barley-mows;
Harrows, ganders, bullocks, ploughs;
And I'll dazzle the country gabies.
I'll get a bull, I'll get a cart,
I'll get the Farmer's Guide by heart,
And I'll get a dozen babies.
Then I'll pet my dogs,
I'll fat my hogs,
I'll milk my cows,
I'll salt my sows,
I'll run my rigs,
I'll stick my pigs,
I'll roast my lambs,
I'll mend my dams,
I'll whet my knife,
I'll kill my sheep,
I'll kiss my wife,
I'll go to sleep,
All when my farm is taken.

II.

I'll drink just double each Saturday night,
Sitting up with my spouse by candle-light,
For I need not rise early on Sunday.
Then I'll prate to my lovee of clover and barns,
While the dear little children's stockings she darns,
That must go to the wash on Monday.
On Sunday to church, beef and pudding at one,
Then the evening to spend,
I'll get drunk with a friend,
Reel to bed, and on Monday be up with the sun.
But on Monday, my bed forsaking,
Oh! how my nob will be aching!
With my eyes stiff and red,
Sunk deep in my head,
I shall look as old as Methusalem!
While the cursed noises round me
Will so confound me,
I shall wish the farm at Jerusalem.
For there the pigs will be squeaking,
The wagon wheels creaking,
Ducks quacking,
Cart-whips cracking,
Turkeys gobbling,
Carters squabbling,
Rooks cawing,
Ploughboys jawing,
Horses neighing,
Donkeys braying,
Cocks crowing,
Oxen lowing;
Dogs' bark,
Noah's ark!
Gobble, wobble, weke, caw, caw,
Grunt, bow-wow, quack, moo, ee-aw!
All when my farm is taken.