My scatterbrained nephew gave such an impression
Of being inept and half-witted,
He never was able to find a profession
For which he was properly fitted.
He's failed seven times for the Army, so far,
And his tutor, in language emphatic,
Declares that he hasn't the brains for the Bar
Nor the nous for the Corps Diplomatic.
This morning, however, my witless relation
Discovered at last a becoming vocation.

The work, so he tells me, is easy and pleasant,
The hours are too short to be wearing,
And a man can contrive to be " Absent yet Present, "
By means of a system called " pairing, "
At ease he may loll on a bench, half-awake,
While a colleague is airing some hobby,
Or the gentlest description of exercise take
In a place that is known as the Lobby,
Receiving four hundred a year compensation,
As well as a probable six months' vacation.

Rejoice, then, ye fathers, rejoice beyond measure!
Be thankful, ye sisters and mothers!
The chance of employment, with profit and pleasure,
Has come to your sons and your brothers!
How gladly they add such a splendid career
To the list of the open professions,
How bright are the thoughts of four hundred a year
That illumine their facial expressions!
They gaze at the House with redoubled affection,
And oh! how they long for a Gen'ral Election!