Classic Poem

Incrusted in his island home that lies beyond the sea,
Behold the great original and genuine 'T IS H E ;
A paunchy, fuming Son of Beef, with double weight of chin,
And eyes that were benevolent, — but for their singular tendency to turn green whenever it is remarked that his irrepressible American cousins have made another Treaty with China ahead of him, — and taken Albion in.
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.

With William, Duke of Normandy, his ancestors, he boasts,
Came over from the shores of France to whip the Saxon hosts;
And this he makes a source of pride; but wherefore there should be
Such credit to an Englishman — in the fact that he is descended from a nation which England is forever pretending to regard as slightly her inferior in everything, and particularly behind her in military and naval affairs — we really cannot see.
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.

He deals in Christianity, Episcopalian brand,
And sends his missionaries forth to bully heathen land;
Just mention " Slavery " to him, and with a pious sigh
He'll say it's 'orrid, scandalous — although he's ready to fight for the Cotton raised by slaves, and forgets how he butchered the Chinese to make them take Opium, and blew the Sepoys from the guns because the poor devils refused to be enslaved by the East India Company — or his phi-lan-thro-py.
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.

He yields to Brother Jonathan a love that passeth show, —
" We're Hanglo-Saxons, both of us, and carn't be foes, you know. "
But as a Christian Englishman, he cannot, cannot hide
His horror of the spectacle — of four millions of black beings boldly held in bondage by a nation professing the largest liberty in the world, though in case of an anti-slavery crusade the interests of his Manchester factors would imperatively forbid him to — take part on either side.
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.

Now seeing the said Jonathan by base rebellion stirr'd,
And battling with pro-slavery, it might be thence inferr'd
That British sympathy, at last, would spur him on to strife;
But, strange to say, this sympathy — is labelled " Neutrality , " and consigned to any rebel port not too closely blockaded to permit English vessels, loaded with munitions, to slip in. And when you ask Mr. Bull what he means by this inconsistent conduct, he becomes virtuously indignant, rolls up his eyes, and says: " I carn't endure to see brothers murdering each other and keeping me out of my cotton — I carn't, upon my life! "
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.

Supposing Mr. Bull should die, the question might arise:
Will he be wanted down below, or wafted to the skies?
Allowing that he had his choice, it really seems to me
The moral British Gentleman — would choose a front seat with his Infernal Majesty; since Milton, in his blank verse correspondence with old Times , more than once hinted the possibility of Nick's rebellion against Heaven succeeding; and as the Lower Secessia cottoned to England through numerous Hanoverian reigns, such a choice on the part of the philanthropical Britisher would be simply another specimen — of his N EUTRAL-I-TY !
This Neutral British Gentleman, one of the modern time.