Now lend your lugs, ye benders fine,
Wha ken the benefit of wine;
And you wha laughing scud brown ale,
Leave jinks a wee, and hear a tale.

An honest miller won'd in Fife,
That had a young and wanton wife,
Wha sometimes thol'd the parish priest
To mak' her man a twa-horn'd beast.
He paid right mony visits till her,
And to keep in with Hab the miller,
He endeavour'd aft to mak' him happy,
Where'er he ken'd the ale was nappy.
Sic condescension in a pastor,
Knit Halbert's love to him the faster;
And by his converse, troth 'tis true,
Hab learn'd to preach when he was fou.
Thus all the three were wonder pleas'd,
The wife well serv'd, the man well eas'd.
This ground his corns, and that did cherish
Himself with dining round the parish.
Bess, the good wife, thought it nae skaith,
Since she was fit to serve them baith.

When equal is the night and day,
And Ceres gives the schools the play,
A youth sprung frae a gentler pater,
Bred at Saint Andrew's alma mater,
Ae day gawn hameward, it fell late,
And him benighted by the gate.
To lye without, pit-mirk, did shore him,
He cou'dna see his thumb before him;
But clack, clack, clack, he heard a mill,
Whilk led him by the lugs theretill.
To tak' the threed of tale alang,
This mill to Halbert did belang;
Not less this note your notice claims,
The scholar's name was Master James.

Now, smiling muse, the prelude past,
Smoothly relate a tale shall last
As lang as Alps and Grampian hills,
As lang as wind or water mills.

In enter'd James, Hab saw and ken'd him,
And offer'd kindly to befriend him
With sic good cheer as he cou'd make,
Baith for his ain and father's sake.
The scholar thought himself right sped,
And gave him thanks in terms well bred.
Quoth Hab, “I canna leave my mill
“As yet; but step ye west the kill
“A bow-shot, and ye 'll find my hame;
“Gae warm ye, and crack with our dame,
“Till I set aff the mill, syne we
“Shall tak' what Bessy has to gi'e.”
James, in return, what 's handsome said,
O'er lang to tell, and aff he gade.
Out of the house some light did shine,
Which led him till 't as with a line:
“Arriv'd, he knock'd, for doors were steekit;
Straight throw a window Bessy keekit,
And cries, “Wha 's that gi'es fowk a fright
“At sic untimous time of night?”
James, with good humour, maist discreetly
Tald her his circumstance completely.
“I dinna ken ye,” quoth the wife,
“And up and down the thieves are rife;
“Within my lane, I 'm but a woman,
“Sae I 'll unbar my door to nae man:
“But since 'tis very like, my dow,
“That all ye 're telling may be true,
“Hae, there 's a key, gang in your way
“At the neist door, there 's braw ait strae;
“Streek down upon 't, my lad, and learn
“They 're no ill lodg'd that get a barn.”
Thus, after meikle clitter clatter,
James fand he cou'dna mend the matter;
And since it might na better be,
With resignation took the key;
Unlockt the barn, clam up the mow,
Where was an opening near the hou,
Throw whilk he saw a glent of light,
That gave diversion to his sight:
By this he quickly cou'd discern,
A thin wa' sep'rate house and barn;
And throw this rive was in the wa',
All done within the house he saw:
He saw what ought not to be seen,
And scarce gave credit to his een,
The parish priest, of reverend fame,
In active courtship with the dame!
To lengthen out description here
Wou'd but offend the modest ear,
And beet the lewder youthfu' flame
That we by satire strive to tame.
Suppose the wicked action o'er,
And James continuing still to glowr;
Wha saw the wife as fast as able
Spread a clean servite on the table,
And syne, frae the ha' ingle, bring ben
A piping het young roasted hen,
And twa good bottles stout and clear,
Ane of strong ale, and ane of beer.

But, wicked luck! just as the priest
Shot in his fork in chucky's breast,
Th' unwelcome miller ga'e a roar,
Cry'd, “Bessy, haste ye ope the door.”
With that the haly letcher fled,
And darn'd himsell behind a bed;
While Bessy huddl'd a' things by,
That nought the cuckold might espy;
Syne loot him in; but, out of tune,
Speer'd why he left the mill sae soon?
“I come,” said he, “as manners claims,
“To crack and wait on Master James,
“Whilk I shou'd do tho' ne'er sae bissy;
“I sent him here, good wife, where is he?”—
“Ye sent him here!” quoth Bessy, grumbling;
“Ken'd I this James? a chiel came rumbling,
“But how was I assur'd, when dark,
“That he had been nae thievish spark,
“Or some rude wencher gotten a dose,
“That a weak wife cou'd ill oppose?”—
“And what came of him? speak nae langer;”
Cries Halbert, in a Highland anger.
“I sent him to the barn,” quoth she:
“Gae quickly bring him in,” quoth he.

James was brought in; the wife was bawked;
The priest stood close; the miller cracked:
Then ask'd his sunkan gloomy spouse,
What supper had she in the house,
That might be suitable to gi'e
Ane of their lodger's qualitie?
Quoth she, “Ye may well ken, goodman,
“Your feast comes frae the pottage-pan;
“The stov'd or roasted we afford
“Are aft great strangers on our board.”—
“Pottage,” quoth Hab, “ye senseless tawpie!
“Think ye this youth 's a gilly-gawpy;
“And that his gentle stamock 's master,
“To worry up a pint of plaister,
“Like our mill-knaves that lift the lading,
“Whase kytes can streek out like raw plaid-
“ing?
“Swith roast a hen, or fry some chickens,
“And send for ale frae Maggy Picken's.”—
“Hout I,” quoth she, “ye may well ken,
“'Tis ill brought but that 's no there ben;
“When but last owk, nae farder gane,
“The laird got a' to pay his kain.”

Then James, wha had as good a guess
Of what was in the house as Bess,
With pawky smile, this plea to end,
To please himsell, and ease his friend,
First open'd, with a slee oration,
His wond'rous skill in conjuration:
Said he, “By this fell art I 'm able
“To whop aff any great man's table
“Whate'er I like to make a meal of,
“Either in part, or yet the hail of;
“And, if ye please, I 'll shaw my art.”
Cries Halbert, “Faith, with all my heart.”
Bess sain'd herself, cry'd, “Lord, be here!”
And near-hand fell a-swoon for fear.
James leugh, and bade her naithing dread;
Syne to his conjuring went with speed:
And first he draws a circle round,
Then utters mony a magic sound
Of words, part Latin, Greek, and Dutch,
Enow to fright a very witch.
That done, he says, “Now, now, 'tis come,
“And in the boal beside the lum:
“Now set the board, good wife, gae ben,
“Bring frae yon boal a roasted hen.”
She wadna gang, but Haby ventur'd;
And soon as he the ambrie enter'd,
It smell'd sae well he short time sought it,
And, wond'ring, 'tween his hands he brought it.
He view'd it round, and thrice he smell'd it,
Syne with a gentle touch he felt it.
Thus ilka sense he did conveen,
Lest glamour had beguil'd his een:
They all in an united body,
Declar'd it a fine fat how towdy.
“Nae mair about it,” quoth the miller,
“The fowl looks well, and we 'll fa' till her.”
“Sae be 't,” says James;” and, in a doup,
They snapt her up baith stoup and roup.

“Neist, O!” cries Halbert, “cou'd your skill
“But help us to a waught of ale,
“I 'd be oblig'd t' ye a' my life,
“And offer to the deel my wife,
“To see if he 'll discreeter mak' her,
“But that I 'm fleed he winna tak' her.”
Said James, “Ye offer very fair;
“The bargain 's hadden, sae nae mair.”

Then thrice he shook a willow wand,
With kittle words thrice gave command;
That done, with look baith learn'd and grave,
Said, “Now ye 'll get what ye wad have:
“Twa bottles of as nappy liquer
“As ever ream'd in horn or bicquer,
“Behind the ark that hads your meal
“Ye 'll find twa standing corkit well.”
He said, and fast the miller flew,
And frae their nest the bottles drew;
Then first the scholar's health he toasted,
Whase art had gart him feed on roasted;
His father's neist, and a' the rest
Of his good friends that wish'd him best,
Which were o'er langsome at the time
In a short tale to put in rhyme.

Thus while the miller and the youth
Were blythly slocking of their drowth,
Bess fretting, scarcely held frae greeting,
The priest inclos'd stood vex'd and sweating.

“O wow!” said Hab, “if ane might speer,
“Dear Master James, wha brought our cheer
“Sic laits appear to us sae awfu',
“We hardly think your learning lawfu'.”

“To bring your doubts to a conclusion,”
Says James, “ken I 'm a Rosicrucian,
“Ane of the set that never carries
“On traffic with black deels or fairies;
“There 's mony a spirit that 's no deel
“That constantly around us wheel.
“There was a sage call'd Albumazor,
“Whase wit was gleg as ony razor;
“Frae this great man we learn'd the skill
“To bring these gentry to our will;
“And they appear, when we 've a mind,
“In ony shape of human kind:
“Now if you 'll drap your foolish fear,
“I 'll gar my Pacolet appear.”

Hab fidg'd and leugh, his elbuck clew,
Baith fear'd and fond a sp'rit to view:
At last his courage wan the day,
He to the scholar's will gave way.

Bessy by this began to smell
A rat, but kept her mind to 'rsell:
She pray'd like howdy in her drink,
But mean time tipt young James a wink.
James frae his e'e an answer sent,
Which made the wife right well content;
Then turn'd to Hab, and thus advis'd:
“Whate'er you see, be nought surpriz'd;
“But for your saul move not your tongue;
“And ready stand with a great rung,
“Syne as the sp'rit gangs marching out,
“Be sure to lend him a sound rout:
“I bidna this by way of mocking,
“For nought delytes him mair than knocking.”

Hab got a kent, stood by the hallan,
And straight the wild mischievous callan
Cries, “Rhadamanthus husky mingo,
“Monk, horner, hipock, jinko, jingo,
“Appear in likeness of a priest;
“No like a deel, in shape of beast,
“With gaping shafts to fleg us a';
“Wauk forth, the door stands to the wa'.”

Then, frae the hole where he was pent,
The priest approach'd, right well content;
With silent pace strade o'er the floor,
Till he was drawing near the door,
Then, to escape the cudgel, ran;
But was not miss'd by the good-man,
Wha lent him on his neck a lounder,
That gart him o'er the threshold founder.
Darkness soon hid him frae their sight;
Ben flew the miller in a fright;
“I trow,” quoth he, “I laid well on;
“But, wow! he 's like our ain Mess John.”