My Lord, I doe confesse, at the first newes
Of your returne towards home, I did refuse
To visit you, for feare the Northerne Winde
Had peirc't into your Manners and your Minde,
For feare you might want memory to forget
Some Arts of Scotland , which might haunt you yet.
But when I knew you were, and when I heard
You were at Woodstock seene, well sunn'd, & air'd,
That your contagion in you now was spent,
And you were iust, Lord Mordant , as you went,
I then resolv'd to come; and did not doubt
To be in season, though the Bucke were out .
Windsor , the place; the day was Holy roode ;
St. George my Muse: for be it understood,
For all St. George more early in the yeare
Broke fast and eat a bitt, hee dined, here:
And though in Aprill in redd Inke he shine,
Know twas September made him redd with wine .
To this good sport rod I; as being allow'd
To see the King, and cry him , in the crowd:
And at all solemne Meetings have the grace
To thrust, and to be trodde on, by my place.
Where, when I came, I saw the Church besett
With tumults, as if all the Brethren mett
To heare some silenc't Teacher of that quarter
Inveigh against the Order of the Garter :
And iustly might the weake it grieve, & wrong,
Because the Garter prayes in a strange tongue ;
And doth retaine Traditions yet, of Fraunce ,
In an old Honi Soit Qui Mal y Pense .
Whence learne, you Knights , that Order that have ta'ne,
That all, besides the Buckle , is profane .
But there was noe such doctrine now at stake,
Noe starv'd precisian from the pulpit spake.
And yet the Church was full: all sorts of men,
Religions, Sexes, Ages, were there then.
Whilst he that keepes the Quire together locks
Papists and Puritans , the Pope and Knox ;
Which made some Wise-Ones feare, that love our Nation,
This mixture would beget a Toleration :
Or that Religions should united bee,
When They stay'd Service, These , the Letany .
But noe such hast; this dayes devotion lyes
Not in the Hearts of men, but in their Eyes :
They that doe See St. George, heare him, aright;
For hee loves not to parly , but to fight .
Amongst this audience ( my Lord ) stood I,
Well edified as any that stood by,
And knew how many leggs a Knight letts fall
Betwixt the King , the Offering and his stall .
Aske mee but of their Robes , I shall relate
The colour, and the fashion and the state.
I saw too the Procession without doore,
What the poore-Knightes , & what the Prebends wore.
All this my Neighbors that stood by mee tooke,
Who div'd but to the garment, and the looke,
But I saw more; and though I have their fate
In face and favour, yet I want their pate.
Mee thought I then did those first Ages know
Which brought forth Knightes , soo arm'd, & looking soe;
Who would maintaine their Oath, & bind their worde
With these two Seales, an Altar and a Sworde .
Then saw I George new-Sainted, when such Preists
Wore him not only on , but in their breasts.
Oft did I wish that day, with solemn vow,
O that my Country were in danger now!
And twas no treason: who could feare to dye,
When he was sure his rescue was so nigh?
And here I might a iust digression make,
Whilst of some foure particular Knightes I spake;
To whom I owe my thankes: but twere not best,
By praysing Two or Three, t'accuse the rest.
Nor can I sing that Order, or those Men,
That are aboue the maistery of my pen:
And private fingers may not touch those things
Whose authors Princes are, whose parents Kings.
Wherefore unburnt I will refraine that fire;
Least, daring such a theame, I should aspire
T'include my King and Prince; and soe rehearse
Names fitter for my Prayer , then my Verse:
Hee that will speake of Princes , let him use
More grace then witt, know God's aboue his Muse .
Noe more of councell: harke, the trumpetts sound,
And the grave Organ's with the Antheme drown'd:
The Church hath said Amen to all their rites,
And now the Troian Horse sets loose his Knightes :
The Triumph moues. O what could added bee,
Save your accesse, to this Solemnitye?
Which I expect, and doubt not but to see't,
When the Kings favour and your worth shall meete.
I think the robes would now become you soe,
St. George himselfe could scarce his owne Knights know
From the Lord Mordant . Pardon mee that preach
A doctrine, which King Iames can only teach:
To whom I leaue you, who alone hath right
To make Knightes, Lords , & then a Lord, a Knight .
Imagine now the Sceane lyes in the Hall;
(For at high noone, wee are Recusants all)
The Church is empty , as the bellyes were
Of the Spectators, which had languish't there:
And now the Favorites of the Clarke of th' Checke ,
Who oft haue yaun'd and Strech't out many a Neck
Twixt noone and morning; the dull feeders on
Fresh patience , and Raisins of the Sunne ;
They who had liv'd in th' hall seaven houres at least;
As if twere an Arraignment, not a Feast;
And look't soe like the Hangings they stood nere,
None could discerne which the true Pictures were;
These now shall be refresh't; while the bold Drumme
Strikes up his frollick, through the hall They come.
Here might I end, my Lord, and here subscribe
Tour Honours to his power : but oh, what bribe,
What feare or mulct can make my Muse refraine,
When shee is urg'd of Nature and Disdaine?
Not all the Guard shall hold mee: I must write,
Though they should sweare and lye how they would fight ,
If I procede: nay, though the Captaine say,
Hold him or else you shall not Eate to day :
Those goodly Yeomen shall not scape my pen;
'Twas dinner time, and I must speake of men.
So to the Hall made I, with little care
To praise the dishes, or to tast the fare;
Much lesse t' endanger the least Tart , or Pye
By any Waiter there stolne, or sett by:
But to compute the valew of the meate,
Which was for Glory, not for Hunger eate.
Nor did I feare ( stand back ) Who went before
The Presence or the Privy chamber doore.
But woe is mee, the Guard , those Men of warre,
Who but two weapons use, Beife , and the Barre ,
Began to gripe mee; knowing not in truth,
That I had sung Iohn Dory , in my youth;
Or that I knew the day when I could chaunt
Chevy , and Arthur , and the Seige of Gaunt .
And though these be the vertues which must try
Who are most worthy of their curtesy,
They profited mee nothing: for no Notes
Will move them now; they're deafe , in their new Coates .
Wherefore on mee afresh they fall, and show
Themselves more active then before; as though
They had some wager lay'd, and did contend
Who should abuse mee furthest, at armes end.
One I remember with a grisly beard,
And better growne then any of the Heard;
One, were he well examin'd, and made looke
His Name in his owne Parish and Church booke,
Could hardly prove his Christendome; and yet
It seem'd he had two names: for there were writt,
On a white canvasse doublett that he wore,
Two capitall letters of a name before;
Letters belike which hee had spew'd and spilt,
When the great Bumbard leak't, or was a-tilt.
This Ironside tooke hold, and Sodainly
Hurled mee, by iudgment of the standers by,
Some twelve foote by the square; takes mee againe,
Out-throwes it halfe a bar: & thus wee twaine
At this hot exercise an hower had spent;
Hee the feirce Agent , I the Instrument .
My man began to rage, but I cryd, peace;
When he is dry or hungry , he will cease:
Hold for the Lords sake, Nicholas , lest they take us,
And use us worse, then Hercules us'd Cacus .
And now I breath, my Lord, now have I time
To tell the cause, and to confesse the crime;
I was in black; a Scholler straite they guest;
Indeed I colour'd for it at the least.
I spake them faire, desir'd to see the Hall,
And gave them reasons for it, This was all;
By which I learne, it is a maine offence,
So neere the Clark of th' Check to utter sense.
Talk of your Emblemes, Maisters; and relate
How AElig;sope hath it, and how Alciate ;
The Cock & Pearle, the Dunghill and the Iemme;
This passeth all, to talke sence amongst them.
Much more good service was committed yet,
Which I in such a tumult must forget;
But shall I smother that prodigious fitt,
Which pass'd He[r]ons invention, and pure witt?
As this; A nimble Knave, but something fatt,
Strikes at my head, and fairly steales my hatt:
Another breakes a iest, (well Windsor well,
What will ensue thereof there's none can tell;
When They spend witt, serve God) yet twas not much;
Although the clamours and applause were such,
As when salt Archy or Garret doth provoke them,
And with wide laughter and a cheat-loafe choake them.
What was the Iest doe you aske? I dare repeate it,
And put it home before you shall entreat it;
He call'd mee Bloxford man. Confesse I must
'Twas bitter, and it griev'd mee, in a thrust
That most ungratefull word ( Bloxford ) to heare
From him, whose breath yet stunk of Oxford beere:
But let it passe; for I have now passd throw
Their Halberds , and worse weapons, their Teeth , too:
And of a worthy Officer was invited
To dine, who all their rudeness hath requited:
Where wee had mirth and meat, & a large board
Furnish't with all the Kitchin could afford.
But to conclude, to wipe of from before yee
All this which is noe better then a story;
Had this affront bin done mee by command
of noble Fenton ; had their Captaines hand
Directed them to this; I should believe
I had no cause to ieast, but much to greive:
Or had discerning Pembrooke seene this done,
And thought it well bestow'd; I would have run
Where no good man had dwelt, nor learn'd; would fly,
Where noe Disease would keepe mee Company,
Where it should be Preferment to endure
To teach a Schoole , or else to serve a Cure .
But as it stands, the Persons , and the Cause
Considerd well, their manners and their lawes ,
Tis no affliction to mee: for even thus
Saint Paul hath fought with Beasts at Ephesus ,
And I at Windsor . Let this comfort then
Rest with all able and deserving men:
Hee that will please the Guard, and not provoke
Court-witts, must suite his Learning by a Cloake .
For at all Feasts and Masques the Doome hath bin,
A Man thrust out, and a Gay Cloake let in.