Come hither, nurse, and hold my hand.
I recently have been trepanned,
And am, as a result of it,
Not feeling just exactly fit.
Come, tell me all the latest news;
'Twill dissipate my present blues.
Recite the doings of the day,
And drive dull pain and care away.

Has some one hanged his erring wife,
Or slain her with a butcher knife?
Has some rejected suitor shot
The moody maid who loved him not?
Some woman, in a jealous fit,
Cut up her husband bit by bit?
Relate the murders east and west —
Those in New Hampshire are the best.

There's nothing like a first-class crime
To pass the heavy-hanging time.
Details of grewsome murder plots
Cheer countless convalescents' cots.
A job sufficiently outre
Will liven up the dullest day.
So haste thee, nurse, and read to me
The care-dispelling potpourri.