SCENE V
A Wine Shop . — N ICODEMUS and Two Familiars .
NICODEMUS .
N OT a drop more, gentlemen, if you love me!
FIRST FAMILIAR .
Nonsense, man! We have not had as much as would satisfy the thirst of a chicken. Another stoup here! And now tell us a little more about your master.
NICODEMUS .
Aha, sirs! He's an odd one, is Senor Firmilian.
FIRST FAMILIAR .
A devil among the wenches, I suppose?
NICODEMUS .
Mum for that, sir! I hope I am not the man to betray confidence. What I see, I behold; and what I behold I can keep to myself; and there's enough on't. What have you black-coated gentry to do with the daughters of Eve?
FIRST FAMILIAR .
Nay, no offence meant, Master Nicodemus — you are sharper than Pedrillo's razor! What — young blood will have its way! But you are happy in serving, as I hear, the most promising student in Badajoz.
NICODEMUS .
Serving, sir? Marry come up! I'd have you know that I am his secretary.
SECOND FAMILIAR .
Aha! Your health, Master Secretary! I fear me you have heavy labour.
NICODEMUS .
Don't speak of it! If you knew what I have to do — the books I have to translate from the Coptic, Latin, Welsh, and other ancient languages — you'd pity me. I sometimes wish I had never been familiar with foreign tongues. Learning, my masters, is no inheritance. And then, when you come to deal with the Black Art —
SECOND FAMILIAR .
Enlighten us, Master Secretary — what is that?
NICODEMUS .
The Black Art? Here is your very good health! — I wish you could see my master's room, after he has been trying to call up the devil! Lord, sir! there's no end of skulls, and chalk marks on the floor, and stench of sulphur, and what not — but I don't believe that, with all his pains, he ever brought the devil up.
SECOND FAMILIAR .
Take another cup. — But he tries it sometimes?
NICODEMUS .
Punctually upon Wednesdays — about midnight, when the whole household have gone to sleep. But he's not up to the trick: he never could raise anything larger than a hedge-hog.
FIRST FAMILIAR .
But he has done that, has he?
NICODEMUS .
Of course! Any one can raise a hedge-hog. But I'm not going to sit here all night seeing you drinking. I must go home to translate Plotinus, who was a respectable father of the Latin Church. Take my advice and go home too — you are both rather drunk. Where's my beaver? Don't attempt to offer me two, in case I put the phantom one on my head. I say — if there is a drop remaining in the bottle, you might offer it by way of courtesy. Thanks, and take care of yourselves.
[ Exit.
FIRST FAMILIAR .
What say you to this story? A clearer proof
Of arrant sorcery was never given
Unto the Holy office.
SECOND FAMILIAR .
It is complete.
He raises hedge-hogs! That's enough for me.
[ Exeunt.
A Wine Shop . — N ICODEMUS and Two Familiars .
NICODEMUS .
N OT a drop more, gentlemen, if you love me!
FIRST FAMILIAR .
Nonsense, man! We have not had as much as would satisfy the thirst of a chicken. Another stoup here! And now tell us a little more about your master.
NICODEMUS .
Aha, sirs! He's an odd one, is Senor Firmilian.
FIRST FAMILIAR .
A devil among the wenches, I suppose?
NICODEMUS .
Mum for that, sir! I hope I am not the man to betray confidence. What I see, I behold; and what I behold I can keep to myself; and there's enough on't. What have you black-coated gentry to do with the daughters of Eve?
FIRST FAMILIAR .
Nay, no offence meant, Master Nicodemus — you are sharper than Pedrillo's razor! What — young blood will have its way! But you are happy in serving, as I hear, the most promising student in Badajoz.
NICODEMUS .
Serving, sir? Marry come up! I'd have you know that I am his secretary.
SECOND FAMILIAR .
Aha! Your health, Master Secretary! I fear me you have heavy labour.
NICODEMUS .
Don't speak of it! If you knew what I have to do — the books I have to translate from the Coptic, Latin, Welsh, and other ancient languages — you'd pity me. I sometimes wish I had never been familiar with foreign tongues. Learning, my masters, is no inheritance. And then, when you come to deal with the Black Art —
SECOND FAMILIAR .
Enlighten us, Master Secretary — what is that?
NICODEMUS .
The Black Art? Here is your very good health! — I wish you could see my master's room, after he has been trying to call up the devil! Lord, sir! there's no end of skulls, and chalk marks on the floor, and stench of sulphur, and what not — but I don't believe that, with all his pains, he ever brought the devil up.
SECOND FAMILIAR .
Take another cup. — But he tries it sometimes?
NICODEMUS .
Punctually upon Wednesdays — about midnight, when the whole household have gone to sleep. But he's not up to the trick: he never could raise anything larger than a hedge-hog.
FIRST FAMILIAR .
But he has done that, has he?
NICODEMUS .
Of course! Any one can raise a hedge-hog. But I'm not going to sit here all night seeing you drinking. I must go home to translate Plotinus, who was a respectable father of the Latin Church. Take my advice and go home too — you are both rather drunk. Where's my beaver? Don't attempt to offer me two, in case I put the phantom one on my head. I say — if there is a drop remaining in the bottle, you might offer it by way of courtesy. Thanks, and take care of yourselves.
[ Exit.
FIRST FAMILIAR .
What say you to this story? A clearer proof
Of arrant sorcery was never given
Unto the Holy office.
SECOND FAMILIAR .
It is complete.
He raises hedge-hogs! That's enough for me.
[ Exeunt.
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