Had Neptune, when first he took charge of the sea,
Been as wise, or at least been as merry as we,
He'd have thought better on 't, and, instead of his brine,
Would have filled the vast ocean with generous wine.

What trafficking, then, would have been on the main,
For the sake of good liquor, as well as for gain!
No fear then of tempest, or danger of sinking;
The fishes ne'er drown that are always a-drinking.

The hot, thirsty Sun then would drive with more haste,
Secure in the evening of such a repast;
And when he'd got tipsy would have taken his nap,
With double the pleasure in Thetis's lap.

By the force of his rays, and thus heated with wine,
Consider how gloriously Phaebus would shine;
What vast exhalations he'd draw up on high,
To relieve the poor earth as it wanted supply.

How happy us mortals when bless'd with such rain,
To fill all our vessels, and fill them again!
Nay, even the beggar that has ne'er a dish,
Might jump in the river and drink like a fish.

What mirth and contentment in every one's brow,
Hob as great as a prince dancing after the plow!
The birds in the air, as they play on the wing,
Although they but sip, would eternally sing.

The stars, who I think don't to drinking incline,
Would frisk and rejoice at the fume of the wine;
And, merrily twinkling, would soon let us know
That they were as happy as mortals below.

Had this been the case, what had we then enjoy'd,
Our spirits still rising, our fancy ne'er cloy'd!
A plague, then, on Neptune, when 't was in his power,
To slip, like a fool, such a fortunate hour.