Though corn be mildewed on the cob,
Though editors corrupt the mob,
Though educators lie and rob,
I am not blue—
For thou, O Allen-on-the-job,
Wilt see us through!

O Expert in Efficiency!
Twixt Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee
Thou canst distinguish to a T;
By quart and gallon
Thou gaugest cow or Ph.D.,
O Sapient Allen!

Progressives try at playing mystics,
Our senators try pugilistics,
And I, poor ass, try writing distichs—
But Thou, God's Greatest,
Thou Aristotle of Statistics,
Thou tabulatest!

Guard well our Philip, whom from home
Our pride transferred to yonder dome
To make our State another Rome:—
Should aught be lacking,
Be unto him both hair and comb,
And boots and blacking!