When the parquet has been polished, and all furniture abolished,
And the band has made a serviceable start;
When your programme is selected, and your efforts are directed
To indulgence in the Saltatory Art;
When your fellow-dancers eye you, as they sail serenely by you
With a scornful supercilious sort of glance,
There is nothing half so rotten as to find you have forgotten
How to dance.

There are many kinds of dances, from that favourite of France's
Which some people call a " valse " and others " waltz " —
(Though the French, in doubtful taste, dance both the can-can and the waist -dance,
These are vulgar, and have many other faults) —
To the saraband of Prussia, and the rigadoon of Russia,
Which demand the greatest energy and zeal —
From that not-to-be-ignored dance which the Scottish term a " Sword-dance, "
To a reel.

When your grandmamma went dancing, her behaviour was entrancing;
Such decorum, so much grace, were rarely seen!
And her too impatient lover was compelled, alas! to hover
On the outskirts of her spacious crinoline.
While demurely minuetting in a staid and sober setting,
She religiously maintained her self-respect;
When she plied the " light fantastic, " every pose, however plastic,
Was correct .

What a pleasing variation from the present generation
To whom dancing is a mere athletic sport,
Which if people toil a lot at they can get extremely hot at —
Just a form of taking exercise, in short!
Men, inspired by flute and fiddle, grasp their partners round the middle,
And revolve till they can scarcely stand upright,
While their cousins and their sisters dance their little feet to blisters,
Ev'ry night.

Moral

Now the moral of my story, which I dwell on con amore ,
Is that dancing is no mere gymnastic game;
While for anyone desiring either romping or perspiring
There are numerous pursuits that I could name.
And the youth who yells and hollers and is forced to change his collars
Should not ever be permitted to take part
In the dance which (for the last time, let me say) is not a pastime,
But an Art.