TO A SLANDERED GENTLEWOMAN FOR INTRODUCING A CERTAIN GENTLEMAN AS HER GRANDSON

I REALLY feel a poignant pain,
To think I slandered your Aunt Jane,
Whose morals high and reputation,
Have been the “Pride” of all your Nation—
I'm sure she had a “Prejudice”
Against a bearded Suitor's kiss,
And shrank with “Sensibility”
From every sort and kind of he ,—
And yet, my brutal speech inferred
A man's advances had been heard,
By your refined, austere Aunt Jane,
Whose heroines would hardly deign
To see your Sex without the “Vapours”—
(They never read the Sunday papers),
They were so sensitive and tender,
So modestly aware of gender .
When I reflect on what they were,
I feel the more how due to her
Is this apology sincere,
By one who holds her memory dear,
Who never would accuse of levity,
A spinster (not known by her brevity),
But still the soul of wit and grace,
Whose name is loved in every place!
Accept, then, Mr. Austen Leigh,
My most contrite apology,
And should we ever meet again,
I will not slander your Aunt Jane.

(Answer of the grandnephew)

Dear M RS . R:—

YOUR witty letter,
Has made me more than e'er your debtor,
For what ‘mere man’ his heart could harden
When a fair lady asks his pardon?
In fact I bless the insinuation.
That brings such charming reparation.
It surely was an easy slip,
To miss the exact relationship,
But as you recollected quickly, Madam,
Jane was an Eve who never met her Adam.
She used to say that should she wed,
She fancied Crabbe, from all she read.
But he already had one spouse
(That's all the British law allows)
Which placed the authoress of “Emma”
In quite a terrible dilemma.
However, she subdued her passion,
Not being of George Eliot's fashion,
And thus Aunt Jane, a spinster, ended
Her days in isolation splendid.

So, too, as rhymin' is exhaustin',
E'en for great-nephews of Jane Austen,
I'll end, asking your tender mercies,
For my poor, wretched, halting verses.
Could I have been to school at Groten,
They had not been so awfully rotten!