Classic Poem

Old times, old fashions and the fairies gone,
Let us return, good folks, to sixty-one,
To this blest time, ye fair, of female glory,
When pleasures unforbidden lie before ve.
No sprites to fright you now, no guardian elves.
Your wise directors are your own dear selves.
And every fair one feels from old to young,
While these your guides, you never can do wrong.
Weak were the sex of yore, their pleasures few.
How much more wise, more spirited are you.
Would any Lady Jane or Lady Mary,
Ere they did this or that, consult a fairy?
Would they permit this saucy pigmy crew
For each small slip to pinch 'em black and blue?
Well may you shudder, for with all your charms,
Were this the case, good heaven, what necks and arms!

Thus did they serve our grandames heretofore.
The very thought must make us moderns sore.
Did their poor hearts for cards or dancing beat,
These elves raised blisters on their hands and feet.
Though loo the game and fiddles played most sweetly,
They could not squeeze dear Pam nor foot Moll Peatly.
Were wives with husbands but a little wilful,
Were they at that same too a little skilful;
Did they with pretty fellows laugh or sport,
Wear ruffs too small, or petticoats too short;
Did they, no matter how, disturb their clothes,
Or, over-lilied, add a little rose—
These spiteful fairies rattled round their beds
And put strange frightful nonsense in their heads.
Nay, while the husband snored and prudish aunt,
Had the fond wife but met the dear gallant,
Though locked the door and all as still as night,
Pop through the keyhole whips the fairy sprite,
Trips round the room—“My husband!” madam cries—
“The devil! Where?” the frighted beau replies—
Jumps through the window—she calls out in vain.
He, cured of love and cooled with drenching rain,
Swears—dem him if he'll e'er intrigue again!
These were their tricks of old. But, all allow,
No childish fears disturb our fair ones now.

Ladies, for all this trifling, 'twould be best
To keep a little fairy in your breast;
Not one that should with moderate passions war,
But just to tweak you when you go too far.