English

(And now begins a snooty tit-for-tat,
The Enemy rejoinder's very pat,
But entirely circumspect — the other shadow
Proving himself a thoroughgoing cad though.)
" Are you the man that was the person sent
" To trip up our puppets with your argument?" —
" If so I was the man I'd not look twice
" At all the tortured cohorts of your mice!" —
" If so you be the authenticated sage
" Of our epoch, why aren't you all the rage?" —
" Because, old mole, " the rage " is in your keeping:

And I to answer this tart questionnaire
In a fashion becoming a courteous bugbear.
" No sir" I gravely answer " that's not it.
" If I were selling soap, or selling wit,
" I would not talk of business , I'd be shy
" Regarding L.S.D. — As it is energy
" I peddle I am not ashamed to refer
" To the interference I encounter, sir!
" A hundred thousand demijohns I'd hide:
" But not the pale tresses of the solar bride."
It's very difficult indeed, of course,
To show that this is not a personal force.

Ah ah! Ah ah! The Business of the Sun!
A passport occupation! — so it might run
On the same principle as Borrow's pets.
" Business of Egypt", muttered the gypsy wits,
To account for goings and comings hard to explain. —
I peddle solar bombshells in the rain.
(I seek no substitute for worldly pomp —
I accept a rented coffin in a swamp
Persona grata in a few freak shops,
On the distaff side I'm well in with the cops —
I know a Dogberry who lurks at the street corner
Got up to represent my little friend Jack Horner). —

Another cogent argument when one
Unmasks a slight, is — " You're too good my son!
Good writers naturally annoy the fool,
And you are no exception to the rule!"
This is a jolly clever argument.
It covers almost every incident.
To this trick I take off my hat. First class
For isolating merit from the mass.
The " penman's clubs" where Baerleins, Baums and Goldings
Transact their business and stake out their holdings,
It is only fit should be shrouded from the eye
Of that strange sport the self-styled " Enemy".

Now, we all go to war with bomb and gas
State against state, that's understood. Whereas
What no " man-of-the-world" will yet admit
Is that this recognized official fit
Of spleen is duplicated in whatever sense
Upon the private plane — that is nonsense!
In this fair world of " gentlemen's agreements",
A lawcourtly world, where for their fat fees fence
Scurrilous bravos, it would be a pure outrage
So much as to suggest small wars we wage —
With all that " war" takes with it of boycott and debt,

But what have I done in this most mild brochure,
Depicting german manners, to be sure,
Which are so political, what man can write
Unpartisan, without much of " Left" and " Right"?
If so the man you are to provoke this hate
I ask myself to what my crimes relate
High politics I shun — I gave but an impression
Of the Berlin scene, in very impartial fashion
Are we forbidden (and if so by whom)
To mention a man in Kun's or Lenin's room,
Except in belittlement, column after column,
A " Germany puts the Clock back" sort of volume?

If so some man when I began to be
I looked beyond the confines of the sea.
I thought my books by German and by Frog
Would be read in deutsch and frankish — Britain's log
For Nineteen Twenty-Six and the years just after
That naivety must provoke our present laughter.
(I had reckoned without our british business-men):
They have never passed the frontiers of the pen
I wrote them with, except my Hitler Book.
That got through the blockade of boob and crook.
A surprising feat, it swam the Nordic Sea,

If so the man you are commissionaire,
If so the man marchand de megots there,
If so the man you are, oh merde alors !
If so the man to bang each taxi-door,
If so the man bemedalled, a " man's-man" too,
If so the man you are to all men true,
If so you are the servant-man, why then,
If so the man (a scarecrow among men)
If such the man you are, these words we waste,
If so the man by nature's hand disgraced.
If so the man you be for the back-seat,
If so the man out of the hand to eat,
A fetch-and-carry fellow to salute,

If so the man you are to pick up sticks
Then why expect to have a house of bricks?
Merchant of fag-ends, if that's what you are,
Why should they give you a full-sized cigar?
If so the man you are commissionaire
Stock-still to stand for a pittance, why that's fair,
If so the man you are! I can't see why
Whacked from your hobo-holding you need cry.
Balata or gold, if so the man you are
The optimist-prospector, spit on your star:
Who would hand out a hoot if such a man
Had fits of grief? I don't see how I can.

If so the man you are to let the cat
Outside, expect your beer a little flat!
If so the man you are to keep it in
Always, then never worry. You will win!
Should things go slow at first, they're watching you —
To see if you're cat-conscious! If you say boo
To goose or serpent. But keep pussy down,
And out of sight, the finest house in town
Is yours for the asking and you'll be a knight
If you want to be — if the cat is out of sight!
They must see where the bloody cat will jump
All said and done. If with a scandalous bump